That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Randomize
