i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
