She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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