I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
