theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
