if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
