Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
my sisters under your porch take her home
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
