i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
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