Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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