you're like a bully in the Christmas story
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
