I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
