your parents love me but you hate me
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Randomize
