ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
We left the knife in your bed.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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