I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
