I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
