There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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