So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
