i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
