I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
