I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
