In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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