I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
