Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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