i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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