I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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