guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
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