Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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