First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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