Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
