Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
