it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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