I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
