You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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