Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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