i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
