we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
