all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
