Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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