bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Send help, water and tortillas.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
