why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
