Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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