I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
