I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I just googled if crying burns calories
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
