i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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