don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Randomize
