how can u be prego again
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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