If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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