my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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