no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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