How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
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